The Need to Return to Social Media

Back in 2021, during the middle of my second bout of depression, I still tried to remain active on social media (specifically Facebook). I would post regularly, contribute to discussions and even got involved in a couple of writing projects. However, because of how such places began to negatively impact my mental wellness, I was forced to leave them behind in the fall of that year.

Now, to understand why such spaces can become quite toxic for me, I have to share a little bit about myself. Although, I truly believe that I have suffered from mental illness on and off since before I was a teenager, I was always able to manage my ability to stay grounded in what I believed in (not speaking of religion in this post) and what I felt was worth fighting for. While I certainly do not like being stuck in a crowd, I was never shy of standing up to one that, in my opinion, held the wrong (and often prejudiced) point of view on the matter at hand. In university, I got a thrill out of debating my peers in the classroom and winning them over to seeing my side of an argument. What I did not, under any circumstances, do during those years was delve into the world of social media.

Back at that time, MySpace was still competing with the newcomer that would become a monopoly, Facebook, and I had very little interest in either. I had an account on both, but the MySpace was largely just for posting my poetry for comments, and I was strong armed into getting Facebook by University friends who feared losing touch (which we have anyway for the most part).

I really didn't become super involved on either platform until I got a phone with access to the internet in my early 30's. At the same time (or there about) I met my wife and we largely communicated via Facebook in those early days as well. It had been years since I had been engaged in such epic conversations with tremendous social stakes, and I was drawn into this world like a moth to a flame.

However, over time, I learned how harsh a reality social media could be. Although I have been bullied all of my life, there was a special brand of cruelty embedded into the dialogues I would have about politics, nature, and my Utopian ideals. I didn't notice, at first, how much it was impacting me. Likewise, I could not see how my ability to comprehend and understand the vantage points of others had been so terribly compromised by my endless efforts to defend my own. In time, this cost me friendships and opportunities, and it made me a bitter person who could not see any value in myself or society. Being agoraphobic did not help matters any, nor did being trapped in this pandemic, as both just gave me more time to invest in these toxic conversations.

In the end, I had to put it down and walk away. To be perfectly honest, I thought I would never return to using any of these platforms.

Then I went ahead and self-published a book, thinking that would be the hardest part, and not realizing the level of commitment I would need to make in order to generate sales and publicity for it. When my publishing specialist first suggested that I needed to get back on Facebook, as well as possibly join Twitter and Instagram, I nearly had a panic attack. The thought of returning to such hostile territory, given my fragile gains towards recovering my health, actually gave me nightmares. I truly wasn't sure if I had what it took to make my dream become a reality at that point, but had little choice given that I had already invested several thousand dollars into this book and myself.

So, nervous as I was, I took my first steps...
And slowly...but surely...
I cautiously progressed back into the online world.

Since then, I have met wonderful writers and started to build a community of fans. It hasn't been easy, but I have found that I can manage, despite my concerns and health, if I stick to some basic ground rules. I will conclude this blog by sharing these with you in the hopes that, should you be suffering like me and need to define your space, these will prove helpful to you:

1) Try to read about and study a community from afar before you enter it.
2) Slowly enter new communities and try to establish an honest and helpful contact.
3) Don't post too much until you get a feel for the way that the community posts and responds. Think wallflower at a party.
4) Offer comfort and support, but try to keep your opinions to a limit. You don't always need to contribute to a conversation to be a part of it. Some people need empathy rather than somebody else's voice.
5) If a space or a contact doesn't feel safe to you, then it is not for you. Leave it, block it, etc.
6) Always be true to you. Don't compromise to fit into a group. Instead, be accepted or rejected for who you are.

I wish you all, dear readers, the very best.
With peace and love.